So I should clarify a bit. I know the Lord loves me. I, in this worldly state, feel like I'm trying so hard at so many things and not succeeding. Things that do need to be done, And I am struggling to get it together. No I don't feel like leaving the church, but I feel inactive since I struggle to make it to sacrament. I feel I need to have well behaved children at all times, clean house, be in shape, look good ( both to my definition), be a great wife, be a happy church member. This isn't real. I know trials are good and help us grow. But honesty I need to put the lord and my family first. But doing so has been a struggle lately. I'm stuck on glue. Even ask my husband, my energy has lacked. I wonder if I do have some hormone imbalance that is aiding in how I feel.
Now please know, jordan is wonderful, and my faith is wonderful. I in no way am saying jordan, or the Mormon doctrine is why I feel this way. It is because I haven't been putting the Lord first that this has been this way. I know this. Just knowing and doing, are two different things. Doing takes time, practice, routine.
Also, no I don't have cause to meet with the bishop either, except to say, hey, I might need help in becoming a better member and child of God.
I thank everyone for their kind words. For letting me know, I a, not alone. I don't like to make things a big deal, or draw attention to myself for drama sake. But I kinda did. In doing so, it did let me know I really have great friends everywhere willing to help. And that is one beautiful lesson to learn.