Monday, January 14, 2013

Annabella Mayleigh

Annabella Mayleigh is going to be 1 year old tomorrow. I feel like I just had her and a year couldn't have gone by already. I remember on this day last year, I started the Castor oil because I knew my body was getting close to having her, I didn't want to have a csection and I needed her to come on the weekend because Jor didn't have time to take off work. Later that night I was having a few contractions (though I had been having contractions off and on for some time), and knew that we should take Tristan to my mom's house so that we could be close to the hospital. We droped Tristan off at mom's, ate P.F. Chang's and the rest is history.
 She truly was a miracle baby. Through out the pregnancy I had bouts of preterm labor that landed me in Labor and Delivery, hooked onto monitors for 4 hours, and ended with shots of Trubutiline. Every week I prayed she would make just one more week. And she did! She came right on her due date! The other miracle is that I had her Vaginally. Something they said couldn't be done.

She has been such a blessing and joy in all of our lives, even Tristan's. They love to play together and miss each other when one is gone. yes, they fight occasionally, but they truly love each other. She has been the unexpected daughter I thought I would never have. I thought I was going to have all boys just because I am such a girly girl and wouldn't know what to do with a house full of boys. But we got one. I love having a son who is a protective older brother, and a daughter who keeps him calm.

Annabella has a great journey on this earth ahead of her. As she grows I hope that I can teach her to be a wonderful and loving women, wife and mother. I hope to teach her that she is a daughter of God, and that she has a Divine role and is of much worth. That she can be strong and not let anyone tell her she is less. I also hope that we can be great friends as well as mother and daughter.

Annabella, I love you so much. I am so grateful to have you be a part of our family. I love your sweet spirit, how outgoing and social you are, and your infectious smile.

Monday, January 7, 2013

The Secret! (no not the book)

So I decided I would share what has been going on the past few months at our house because I am  not quite myself and people are wondering.

Tristan has some type of learning disability and maybe a behavioral disorder. He is going through the more invasive screening process. I feel that because of my degree I should be able to help him more, like he shouldn't have turned out this way. But I know that's not how it works. He has what he has and it's not because I did anything wrong (well maybe I'm not perfect, and that's what I tell myself to feel better). In a sense because I have worked with so many with disabilities and behavioral disabilities I should be pro,but when it comes to your own child, its different. I just feel like a failure.

Though I can say that I am grateful for my education and experience because that is how I was able to identify that there was something not right, and am now heading him in the right direction.

I have been doing a lot of research and have some theories. We'll see what the "pros" say when they are done with their evaluation. Right now he is being evaluated by a speech therapist, an ECSE teacher and a psychologist.
They don't have PSR in this state which is what I did, but they do have "home visits" which is similar to PAT and they will come and help give me a different perspective and ideas. I think this will be helpful, but really wish they had PSR's to help him with his behavioral issues. i.e. he's angry all the time, hurts me and Bella, and then has extreme emotional outburst. I can't say that some of it isn't cause of mine and Jordan's reactions. Sometimes I do loose my patience. I am tired, and frustrated, and so sad to see my once happy, bright little boy behave this way. Its nothing I would have imagined. But I have to keep telling myself, who better to be his mom then me! I can do this! I need to change my approach, and it will take time and help from the Lord, but I can do this!
So this is why I have been more shy, or quiet, or withdrawn. I have a heavy burden that I am trying to give the Lord and work on.

I love Tristan so much and want the best future for him as many parents want for their children. I know we will get through this. Jor is supportive and slowly learning more along the way. I know I have the Lord to rely on, but it's just hard. I just wanted to rant a bit and say, it's hard! I'm sad! I'm frustrated, and yes I feel like I have failed somewhere! But it will not be like this forever!

Saturday, January 5, 2013

New year means "try again"

So it has been a while since I have posted on this blog, and any of my blogs. I have learned that in the beginning of a task I am all gas and go, but then I put on the brakes after a month or so. So I have decided that it's not dedication that is my problem, it is what I am dedicated to, that dictates what I put my energy into. So yes this post will have new years resolutions, but with in reality to my life.
I have discovered that the Lord, my husband, children and house work come first. I am dedicated to them. Everything else has to wait, because after all they are my job! I am thrilled to be a stay at home mom. But it is time to concentrate on a hobby and still throw some service in where I can.

So here is my rambling yet realistic new years resolutions;
1. FHE, and gospel lessons everyday
2. Find service projects I like so I do them more, then branch out from there
3. More reading and less Internet
4. Prepare primary lesson at least 4 days in advance
5. Work out 3 times a week
6. Shop healthy eat healthy
7. Play with the kids more
8. Clean when children are sleeping
9. GO ON MORE DATES! (Jordan this involves you!)
10. Blog more consistently

Over all I want to have a happier healthier home! If I can tackle these 10 things, I should be ok. This will take a lot of habit changing but really it just means I need to not be lazy, and utilize my time better. If I could do it in college why not now? Some of these are always on my resolution list because I feel I can always improve on them. So lets try it again this year, and do better!