Monday, March 18, 2013

The little acts of kindness

I have been waiting for something heartfelt to write about, and on Thursday it happened. It started out as an average day. No school so we took our time getting ready. it was a sunny day outside, and I didn't want to be trapped in the house. I was also going to the zoo the next day and wanted to get my errands ran before then. I decided I would take Jordan to work and keep the car to run the few errands I had with the kids, by myself.
Now since Bella is over a year old that doesn't seem like a huge task. But for me it is. Jordan works nights, and we only have one car, so usually if I need to run errands, he comes with me and the kids, making it easier. I haven't really had the opportunity to adjust to taking care of two kids by myself out side the home. So Thursday was the day I was going to attempt it for a long period of time. We needed to run to the bank, get tabs for the car, drop off cookies to a friend in the ward, Doctor (more about that later), Costco and last, Target! I thought that I could get all of this done in like 2 1/2 hours. Yeah, maybe with one kid! lol

K so side note: Bella got her first ear infection around her 1 year check up. It has not gone away, and we are now on round three. This means amoxicillin for 1 month straight. If this doesn't work then she needs 2 more infections until they will do tubes. I hope the medicine works this time with the thought of spring approaching. But she is also teething which doesn't help things.

So I start my errands and all is going well. The doctor was fast and then we made it through Costco without Tristan having a melt down, which is a big deal. Every time we go into that store he melts down. I think because it is so large it is overwhelming for him, and we get stopped numerous times because people love his hair. What can I say other then that kid was blessed with awesome hair, but not a social personality.
I realize it is getting late, 5pm and the kids are getting hungry. To avoid a melt down in target to get the prescription, I decide I should feed the kids. We go to Noodles and Company and get the huge (regular) order of mac and cheese to share for $5.  We got a premo parking spot right in front, and in the time it takes me to get both kids out of the car, crowds file in. I mean in the matter of 3 minutes. I guess it is Maple Grove at dinner time. So we wait in line, while Tristan found us a table. I order sit down, and the food is taking a long time. To be understood, they were busy. So I give Tristan my phone to watch train videos, which weren't loading on the wifi and told him that when the food comes he will need to put it away. First mistake, giving him the phone; it still wasn't working when the food came, bring on the start of the melt down. Then I ask the lady for another bowl and spoon. she agrees to grab it. IT NEVER COMES! This makes matters worse as Tristan now refuses to share with Bella and I because he wants his own. His pleas and cry's become very loud. As I am trying to feed Bella who is always starving, and prevent her from grabbing the food and drink, I am trying to calmly tell Tristan that he needs to calm down, stop yelling and crying. I tell him I understand that he wants his own, but that the people are too busy to bring us one. Also the line was too long for me to ask for one, and when I get up I can't see the kids and didn't want to just leave them.
I tell Tristan that this is dinner time, if he doesn't eat now, he won't be eating and that we will leave now if he doesn't stop crying and yelling. He continues to carry on, people are looking, so I get up and get a to go container that was right behind us (yes if I had extra silverware I would have used the container as his own bowl). This does the trick, he settles down, decides to sit next to me and starts to calm down enough to eat.
Then this is when the beautiful moment happens. I am obviously flustered, knowing we need to eat now so we can get to Target. This wonderful woman who was there with her high school aged son walks over to me. I assumed she was going to comment on Tristan, either his outburst or his hair. She surprised me and said "You are doing a wonderful job!" I about started to cry right then and there. What a marvelous thing to say to me. Right when I needed it most. I felt I was failing at taking two kids out. I was rather looking forward to taking them out and thought it would be fun. How would I ever have 3 kids if I can't handle 2.
It's acts like this woman's, that we need more of! More people supporting us mothers who are trying so hard to raise our children right! Who honestly love their children and want to be good mothers. I did tell that woman thank you, but I doubt she knew exactly how thankful I was to her. But then maybe she did because she had probably been there.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

My dear son, Tristan

Today I got the results of Tristan's ADOS test. This diagnosis is on the educational side. This is not a medical diagnosis. They are 2 separate things and this is only for how his learning abilities are impacted. So the result is that he is on the Autism Spectrum as a high functioning child. He does qualify for special education but just barely. So every three years they do another assessment to see where he is at. This is good, because with the help he will receive, and the fact that we are starting this intervention early he may not need special education forever, and may have a completely "normal" life. Now I am trying to not get my hopes up, I want to be ready for whatever outcome. When I meet to develop his IEP (individual education plan) I will know more.

This being said, I have to learn how to help Tristan at home, and change how we do things. This also means my family will as well. Whatever plan we set up at home has to be followed by others to keep the consistency.

But most importantly, Tristan is still my sweet little boy, who loves to be outside, loves to play, and read. He loves to learn and be independent. I can handle this. I love him so very much and will do my best for him. I am so thankful for the programs available for Tristan. I am actually excited to see what the future holds for him, and nervous all at the same time. The Lord will help me be the best parent I can for him, and I hope that I am at least successful in being his mom, and showing him how much I love him and care.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Annabella Mayleigh

Annabella Mayleigh is going to be 1 year old tomorrow. I feel like I just had her and a year couldn't have gone by already. I remember on this day last year, I started the Castor oil because I knew my body was getting close to having her, I didn't want to have a csection and I needed her to come on the weekend because Jor didn't have time to take off work. Later that night I was having a few contractions (though I had been having contractions off and on for some time), and knew that we should take Tristan to my mom's house so that we could be close to the hospital. We droped Tristan off at mom's, ate P.F. Chang's and the rest is history.
 She truly was a miracle baby. Through out the pregnancy I had bouts of preterm labor that landed me in Labor and Delivery, hooked onto monitors for 4 hours, and ended with shots of Trubutiline. Every week I prayed she would make just one more week. And she did! She came right on her due date! The other miracle is that I had her Vaginally. Something they said couldn't be done.

She has been such a blessing and joy in all of our lives, even Tristan's. They love to play together and miss each other when one is gone. yes, they fight occasionally, but they truly love each other. She has been the unexpected daughter I thought I would never have. I thought I was going to have all boys just because I am such a girly girl and wouldn't know what to do with a house full of boys. But we got one. I love having a son who is a protective older brother, and a daughter who keeps him calm.

Annabella has a great journey on this earth ahead of her. As she grows I hope that I can teach her to be a wonderful and loving women, wife and mother. I hope to teach her that she is a daughter of God, and that she has a Divine role and is of much worth. That she can be strong and not let anyone tell her she is less. I also hope that we can be great friends as well as mother and daughter.

Annabella, I love you so much. I am so grateful to have you be a part of our family. I love your sweet spirit, how outgoing and social you are, and your infectious smile.

Monday, January 7, 2013

The Secret! (no not the book)

So I decided I would share what has been going on the past few months at our house because I am  not quite myself and people are wondering.

Tristan has some type of learning disability and maybe a behavioral disorder. He is going through the more invasive screening process. I feel that because of my degree I should be able to help him more, like he shouldn't have turned out this way. But I know that's not how it works. He has what he has and it's not because I did anything wrong (well maybe I'm not perfect, and that's what I tell myself to feel better). In a sense because I have worked with so many with disabilities and behavioral disabilities I should be pro,but when it comes to your own child, its different. I just feel like a failure.

Though I can say that I am grateful for my education and experience because that is how I was able to identify that there was something not right, and am now heading him in the right direction.

I have been doing a lot of research and have some theories. We'll see what the "pros" say when they are done with their evaluation. Right now he is being evaluated by a speech therapist, an ECSE teacher and a psychologist.
They don't have PSR in this state which is what I did, but they do have "home visits" which is similar to PAT and they will come and help give me a different perspective and ideas. I think this will be helpful, but really wish they had PSR's to help him with his behavioral issues. i.e. he's angry all the time, hurts me and Bella, and then has extreme emotional outburst. I can't say that some of it isn't cause of mine and Jordan's reactions. Sometimes I do loose my patience. I am tired, and frustrated, and so sad to see my once happy, bright little boy behave this way. Its nothing I would have imagined. But I have to keep telling myself, who better to be his mom then me! I can do this! I need to change my approach, and it will take time and help from the Lord, but I can do this!
So this is why I have been more shy, or quiet, or withdrawn. I have a heavy burden that I am trying to give the Lord and work on.

I love Tristan so much and want the best future for him as many parents want for their children. I know we will get through this. Jor is supportive and slowly learning more along the way. I know I have the Lord to rely on, but it's just hard. I just wanted to rant a bit and say, it's hard! I'm sad! I'm frustrated, and yes I feel like I have failed somewhere! But it will not be like this forever!

Saturday, January 5, 2013

New year means "try again"

So it has been a while since I have posted on this blog, and any of my blogs. I have learned that in the beginning of a task I am all gas and go, but then I put on the brakes after a month or so. So I have decided that it's not dedication that is my problem, it is what I am dedicated to, that dictates what I put my energy into. So yes this post will have new years resolutions, but with in reality to my life.
I have discovered that the Lord, my husband, children and house work come first. I am dedicated to them. Everything else has to wait, because after all they are my job! I am thrilled to be a stay at home mom. But it is time to concentrate on a hobby and still throw some service in where I can.

So here is my rambling yet realistic new years resolutions;
1. FHE, and gospel lessons everyday
2. Find service projects I like so I do them more, then branch out from there
3. More reading and less Internet
4. Prepare primary lesson at least 4 days in advance
5. Work out 3 times a week
6. Shop healthy eat healthy
7. Play with the kids more
8. Clean when children are sleeping
9. GO ON MORE DATES! (Jordan this involves you!)
10. Blog more consistently

Over all I want to have a happier healthier home! If I can tackle these 10 things, I should be ok. This will take a lot of habit changing but really it just means I need to not be lazy, and utilize my time better. If I could do it in college why not now? Some of these are always on my resolution list because I feel I can always improve on them. So lets try it again this year, and do better!